Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Operation Laine Just Say No

Not to drugs but to getting bossed. Get ready, this is a long story and I need your help.

There is a girl in Laine's class, we'll call her Layla. Layla is a teacher's kid, her mother is someone that thinks she is the greatest thing ever and has taught her daughter to think the same way. Layla has a reputation that precedes her and is a parent appointed princess with an attitude. One day, we invited Layla to stay after school with us and go get ice cream. I let them play in the gym and stayed out of thier business. Well, what I discovered is that Layla has a very sly way of manipulating. She makes everything that she wants to do seem like it's the greatest idea ever made, she's just like her mother. We have also found out through Laine that she tells HUGE stories, I finally called them lies to Laine the other day because that is what they are. All her stories are told to make herself seem cooler, like she went backstage at the Hannah MOntana concert or that another girl in class has red eyes when she goes to home center.

That's the background.

Laine thinks Layla hung the moon. She is the only one in her class that will play with Layla because everyone has caught on to her. She talks about Layla all the time.

We have had several conversations with Laine about how she needs to play with lots of friends instead of just Layla. I've told her to tell Layla no when she wants to do something Laine doesn't want to do. We've told Laine not to believe everything Layla says. I held out hope that Laine would get tired of Layla and move on to someone else. She hasn't.

So, we are at the precipice of doing something I really never thought I would say to my child and that is: You cannot be around Layla, you cannot play with her.

That really goes against my morals. As Christians aren't we to be kind to everyone, I know you can be kind to someone and not be thier friend, I just don't think a 5 year old can discern that yet. I want Laine to be a kid that is kind to everyone. But more than that I don't want her to be a doormat, I know Layla wants to play with Laine because Laine will go along with whatever she wants to do and that is wrong. Laine needs to learn that a real friend will do what YOU want to do sometimes and not always want her own way. I want her to know that she is better than getting bossed aroud. Dangit, I want her to stand up for herself and not get bossed around.

I do have Laine's teacher on my side. Even she has a hard time liking Layla. She will tell Laine she can't play with Layla if she sees they are spending too much time together. I found out today that another kid in Laine's class has been told she can't play with Layla (from her own mother).

Any thought? Suggestions?

8 comments:

The Bird Family said...

I agree with your thought...You want to teach her to be kind to all types of people but you also have to teach her to stay away from people that will end up harming her - it is walking a fine line to tell a 5 year old to be nice to someone but not play with them...I think that you should approach it as almost possibly finding someone else in class for Laine to hang out with. Find another little girl and invite her over afterschool, ect. Perhaps they will then bond and she will go away from Layla naturally :). Just a thought! BTW - my parent's have a dog named Layla :)

The Bird Family said...

sorry for the novel comment!!

robin said...

Laine is a great girl with a wonderful personality. if she gets too comfortable living in Layla's shadow she will become a doormat along with becoming unliked because she is Layla's friend.

At this point laine is just being 'friendly' (as Elmo would say). She doesn't realize what's going on and its your job as mom to steer her in the right direction...thats why you're the mom!

Maybe you can take another kid for ice cream and work on it from that angle...

(just read the Bird family's comment and we're apparently on the same page!)

Shauna said...

Both Robin and the Bird Fam have good ideas - I dont have any good ones. I, of course, would suggest a terrible idea of telling off the 5 year old...or something ridiculous like that! Sorry that you are having to deal with this!

Anonymous said...

I'm with the others. Steer her in another direction. Invite other kids to do things. Oops, Layla invites her? Sorry, can't do that today. I say all this because I think a hit man is out of the question. Shauna and I could beat her up - I have no problem with that.

suetmom said...

There will always be people that it is best for your kids not to associate with. That doesn't mean they have to be treated mean or disrespectfully....it just means that you get to be the person that draws the line and says "no more.". That doesn't make you or Laine a bad person, it is just giving your kids a map to follow to help them learn the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Laine might not understand that right now, and really you don't even have to explain it to her,but it will be a lesson that she will learn. I think the suggestions mentioned here are great ideas....make new friends....

Anonymous said...

Laine, what kids do you like to play with at school? I want you to tell me at least 4.
OK, you've played with Layla a lot. Choose two of these others. Good! Next week I want you to spend time playing with X and Y. It's a good idea to do this because I want you to have several friends. Play with X and Y this week. When we go home in the afternoon, I'm going to ask you how much fun you had and what these friends are like

Anonymous said...

Leave it to Paco - what a GREAT idea!