Monday, June 13, 2011

When your plate is too full

I haven't blogged in a long time and to tell the truth, I thought I was done with blogging for good. My life has consisted of work, starting grad school, doctors appointments, headaches, a husband who has had to increase his travel for work (this is not a husband bash,just a fact), and dealing with life with a chronic condition.

In March my life was transformed, I saw things through a new set of eyes and a new heart. I spent more time alone with God in 5 days than I had in my whole life and it was life changing. I will never be the same. I forgave, I cried, I learned just how much our Father loves ME! I came home and I was knocked on my knees and I have been there ever since.

I came home to a 12 day headache that only subsided after three trips to the doctor and 4 injections, those were some of the worst days I have ever had. My headaches only continued after that, and I was prescribed a medication that helped my headaches but made me feel sluggish and depressed.

I was so tired of fitting the puzzle pieces together, increase this medicine, take this one away, be a single mom, be a student, be a teacher, wife, friend, we are budding leaders at our church. I was overwhelmed and full and empty at the same time. I was a perfect target for Satan to attack me and he did, he attacked my marriage, my self-esteem, my friends. After I was back on my feet and the sad empty feeling was still there, I called my doctor, crying, you get an appointment real quick AND on a Saturday morning if you call and cry about being depressed. Kind of funny, kind of not.

So during that appointment we talked a long time about what was going on in my life and I told her all the things above and she said she was going to tell me something I was going to hate. I had no idea what she was going to say. Every single person I have told this story to has known the ending but me. She told me I needed to quit grad school. Bam. That did sting, confirmation that you really can't do everything. Friends, you can't do it all. I am proof, I fell apart when I tried, now not everyone is dealing with chronic pain but it made me realize how much women try to do and how much we suffer from it, our bodies, our minds, our families. I needed to slow down and it took a Medical professional to make me realize it.

Where is God in all this? Right here beside me. On the days I don't want to get out of bed, He lifts my head. When my prayers are groans, he hears the words in them. He knows what I need. When I need to be me for my kids He gives me the strength to be that all day and then fall into bed and rest. I am not feeling better yet after taking my medication for three weeks. I have faith that I will be me again.

28 comments:

Charan said...

Hope you get well soon! Challenge and success always comes in a package.

javatalk said...

Don't stop blogging! I just found you, and like what I see.

Linda said...

Heather, I had quit checking your blog but just found this post. Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew. Maybe, at this time, school is too much. Deal with the necessities (working, Jonathan being gone) and set the rest aside. Eat sandwiches instead of cooking. Take some "me" time. And most of all, I hope you and your doc can kick these headaches in the butt! I love you.

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Salt Shaker said...

Heather, I just started blogging myself and just read your blogg. I know how you can get healing for your headaches.
#1 Gods will is to heal you of all sickness and disease. He desires to heal you of your headaches.
Psalms 103:1-3
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.Forget not all His benefits:
who forgives all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases.
As I was reading your bloggs, I noticed you mentioned you were excited to see some movies. When you go view a movie like Harry Potter,
(which is full of witch craft) or any horror movies. God has told us, We are not to put any detestable thing before us. When we do we open ourselves up to the demonic. I believe you are being attacked by the demonic when these headaches are manifesting in your body.
#2 Ask the Holy Spirit to show you if this is true and ask for forgiveness if you have opened yourself up to a demonic spirit that has been tormenting you.
If you are a believer of Jesus Christ for your salvation, than you are covered by His blood, so when you ask for forgiveness for any sin you are forgiven. Renounce any thing you may have opened yourself to and command the demonic spirit to leave you and you are healed.
Try and think back to when your headaches started and what you were doing in your life or what was happening in your life at that time. The Holy Spirit will help show you if you are really desiring to rid yourself of anything that is not God.
I normally don't write on other peoples blogs unless I know them personally, but I felt the Lord has lead me in this. I pray you will know the truth and be set free from your headaches, because Jesus has already made a way for you to know your complete healing.
Be Healed in the Name of Jesus.
I have taken some wording from the book "Healing the Sick" by T.L. Osborn. This book will change you and your families lives to be able to live the way God intended. Using all that Jesus Christ became for us.
The Salt Shaker

Salt Shaker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mfeder said...

get well soon

HopeMac said...

Get well soon!

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Please don't stop blogging. I am completely new to the blogging scene and I just started reading yours and I love it! Like you I also deal with chronic pain and have to deal with other things as well. Have struggled with my faith but I do know God is and always will be right beside me through it all. I pray for some relief for you and some comfort in knowing that this is all part of the journey for whatever reason. God bless. ��

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